Time for Today's #BrannonFact!

Brannon Fact:

Cherry tomatoes were actually designed for practicing different baseball pitches in the house. It wasn't until the late 1980's, that a group of mean mothers banded together and started lying to their children about them being food and to further the lie, they put the humble fruit into the dreaded category of vegetables . This tactic was successful in detouring children from happily playing with these fun toys (since we all know that vegetables are poison). It wasn't until July 2016 that a brave little boy named Brannon used this 'food' for it's original intended purpose and once again restored the cherry tomato to its former glory.

If SAHM Was An Office Job

Business Partner Needed URGENTLY!

THE ROLEThis exciting role requires a motivated, thick-skinned individual with expertise in leadership and multitasking. The individual best suited to this role will have a varied background in order to complete various required tasks that are often time sensitive.

Hours: 7am-10pm (give or take 1 hour either side) 7 days/week

Wage: None

Benefits:

• Sick days: 0-1 per year
• Annual leave: none
• occasional praise and cuddles/kisses will be occasionally given to offset emotional turmoil/stress

Experience and Attributes Required:

• leadership
• time management
• multitasking
• hospitality
• janitorial
• life coaching
• quick thinking
• perfectionism
• flexible schedule and/or no personal life

Responsibilities Include (but are not limited to):

• office cleaning and maintenance
• completion of a week's worth of tasks each day
• willingness to take verbal and physical abuse from subordinates (hitting, hair pulling, screaming, etc) 
• completion of tasks belonging to other business partners in an urgent manner
• listening to both constructive and non-constructive criticism from other business partners on a daily basis
• completion of tasks upon direction (regardless of current activity level or engagement)
• adhere to evaluation performance that will be carried out:

- 5 days/week - near end of shift

- 2 days/week - hourly (minimum)

• Supplied with company cell phone to be kept on AT ALL TIMES:

- frequent calls in the middle of the night to complete difficult, nonsensical tasks given by subordinates in an immediate fashion (directions often given in a non-english language)

• language and listening skills essential to decipher codes whilst listening to loud and/or high pitched noises

Tasks Belonging to Other Business Partners that Must be Completed by Hired Individual Include (but are not limited to):

• finding staplers that are not clearly visible on a desk but have a high probability of being in a drawer or on adjacent desk
• preparing (and acquiring ingredients) for meals for other employees and partners (often on an 'on demand' basis)
• running the tea, coffee, and snack trolley whilst still doing your own work

Other:

• under no circumstances will delegation of responsibilities be allowed
• workplace disputes will be resolved without input from injured party (suggestions may be considered in exceptional circumstances) and all rulings are final. Failure to adhere to final rulings will likely result in disciplinary action or termination without notice.

For further information and interviews contact: My husband and children

		I CAN EITHER Clean myself up OR THE HOUSE... But NOT BOTH!!!

The above is, of course, in jest and I do love my job no matter how challenging it may be at times! So sorry but you can't have it!

- Jenneal Russell (The Everything Job Blog)