If SAHM Was An Office Job

Business Partner Needed URGENTLY!

THE ROLEThis exciting role requires a motivated, thick-skinned individual with expertise in leadership and multitasking. The individual best suited to this role will have a varied background in order to complete various required tasks that are often time sensitive.

Hours: 7am-10pm (give or take 1 hour either side) 7 days/week

Wage: None

Benefits:

• Sick days: 0-1 per year
• Annual leave: none
• occasional praise and cuddles/kisses will be occasionally given to offset emotional turmoil/stress

Experience and Attributes Required:

• leadership
• time management
• multitasking
• hospitality
• janitorial
• life coaching
• quick thinking
• perfectionism
• flexible schedule and/or no personal life

Responsibilities Include (but are not limited to):

• office cleaning and maintenance
• completion of a week's worth of tasks each day
• willingness to take verbal and physical abuse from subordinates (hitting, hair pulling, screaming, etc) 
• completion of tasks belonging to other business partners in an urgent manner
• listening to both constructive and non-constructive criticism from other business partners on a daily basis
• completion of tasks upon direction (regardless of current activity level or engagement)
• adhere to evaluation performance that will be carried out:

- 5 days/week - near end of shift

- 2 days/week - hourly (minimum)

• Supplied with company cell phone to be kept on AT ALL TIMES:

- frequent calls in the middle of the night to complete difficult, nonsensical tasks given by subordinates in an immediate fashion (directions often given in a non-english language)

• language and listening skills essential to decipher codes whilst listening to loud and/or high pitched noises

Tasks Belonging to Other Business Partners that Must be Completed by Hired Individual Include (but are not limited to):

• finding staplers that are not clearly visible on a desk but have a high probability of being in a drawer or on adjacent desk
• preparing (and acquiring ingredients) for meals for other employees and partners (often on an 'on demand' basis)
• running the tea, coffee, and snack trolley whilst still doing your own work

Other:

• under no circumstances will delegation of responsibilities be allowed
• workplace disputes will be resolved without input from injured party (suggestions may be considered in exceptional circumstances) and all rulings are final. Failure to adhere to final rulings will likely result in disciplinary action or termination without notice.

For further information and interviews contact: My husband and children

		I CAN EITHER Clean myself up OR THE HOUSE... But NOT BOTH!!!

The above is, of course, in jest and I do love my job no matter how challenging it may be at times! So sorry but you can't have it!

- Jenneal Russell (The Everything Job Blog)

Weekly Totals of Chaos

Where have I been, you ask? At home, on the computer, studying and working. You know that thing that happens when you're too busy getting stuff done to look up? That's time..... ticking away (not to mention what those silly kids have been up to for the last 30 minutes!) I have searched the entire house and haven't found any plans for mutiny yet, so maybe I'm still good. What do you think? Throw in the added chaos of half term and you have a potion to make time disappear instantly.

Let's count the facts:

• Time outs- 4 (a major unexpected win!)
• Items removed from the cupboards without prior approval - 3 (did I tell you that the little one has worked out how to remove my pipe cleaner lock? No? Well, it didn't take him long at all to work that one out)
• Showers for the kids- 1.5 (oops! I need to get on that tomorrow!)
• Showers for myself - 1 (I know it's just sad but don't judge me)
• Nighttime hours spent studying - 12 (I was up until 6:30 am Tues night/Wed morning)
• Daytime hours spent studying - 5
• Hours spent doing crafts/colouring - 4 (ugh :/ bad mommy )
• Hours spent cleaning/doing housework - too many to count! But does it look like it? Not really!

Total: Not too shabby but definitely room for improvement

The kids were adorable today. Lynnea got Brannon all dressed after I helped her solve the crisis of "Brannon freaking out and not letting her put his shirt on". He doesn't really like the shirt going over his head  but he puts up with it when I do it too quickly for him to realise what's happening. I can only imagine little 5-year-old hands don't have the speed or surprise effect that mine do. We opted for a button up shirt instead. Brannon is a broccoli monster. Seriously. He eats it like it's candy. And guess what we had with dinner? Yep! He spent the entirety of the meal stealing the broccoli off of sister's plate and giggling like crazy. Lynnea likes broccoli too but she let him get away with it and at one point, they were sitting next to each other eating their 'tiny trees'. I love days like this where no one really gets upset with each other and there isn't dissension in the ranks. That wasn't the case yesterday.... or was it the day before? Whatever day it was, Lynnea had a complete meltdown because I wouldn't get her more cereal even though she had over half of an uneaten bowl of the stuff sitting directly in front of her. That timeout took 20 minutes before she gave up and sat down for the 5 required minutes. Maybe that's why she was so good today. Goodness I hope so! Nothing tests your patience like being hit, kicked, and screamed at by a deceptively strong little girl. Or having to rock both of them to sleep at the same time for an hour before we all finally passed out from sheer exhaustion. It's comforting to think that somewhere in the world, another parent is doing the exact same thing. Otherwise I'd probably go completely crazy! You know, instead of just the partially crazy I already am. 

I'd love to hear your stories! To have your adenture featured on my blog, email your story to me at jennealrussell@gmail.com  and try not to pull out too much hair today ;)