If SAHM Was An Office Job

Business Partner Needed URGENTLY!

THE ROLEThis exciting role requires a motivated, thick-skinned individual with expertise in leadership and multitasking. The individual best suited to this role will have a varied background in order to complete various required tasks that are often time sensitive.

Hours: 7am-10pm (give or take 1 hour either side) 7 days/week

Wage: None

Benefits:

• Sick days: 0-1 per year
• Annual leave: none
• occasional praise and cuddles/kisses will be occasionally given to offset emotional turmoil/stress

Experience and Attributes Required:

• leadership
• time management
• multitasking
• hospitality
• janitorial
• life coaching
• quick thinking
• perfectionism
• flexible schedule and/or no personal life

Responsibilities Include (but are not limited to):

• office cleaning and maintenance
• completion of a week's worth of tasks each day
• willingness to take verbal and physical abuse from subordinates (hitting, hair pulling, screaming, etc) 
• completion of tasks belonging to other business partners in an urgent manner
• listening to both constructive and non-constructive criticism from other business partners on a daily basis
• completion of tasks upon direction (regardless of current activity level or engagement)
• adhere to evaluation performance that will be carried out:

- 5 days/week - near end of shift

- 2 days/week - hourly (minimum)

• Supplied with company cell phone to be kept on AT ALL TIMES:

- frequent calls in the middle of the night to complete difficult, nonsensical tasks given by subordinates in an immediate fashion (directions often given in a non-english language)

• language and listening skills essential to decipher codes whilst listening to loud and/or high pitched noises

Tasks Belonging to Other Business Partners that Must be Completed by Hired Individual Include (but are not limited to):

• finding staplers that are not clearly visible on a desk but have a high probability of being in a drawer or on adjacent desk
• preparing (and acquiring ingredients) for meals for other employees and partners (often on an 'on demand' basis)
• running the tea, coffee, and snack trolley whilst still doing your own work

Other:

• under no circumstances will delegation of responsibilities be allowed
• workplace disputes will be resolved without input from injured party (suggestions may be considered in exceptional circumstances) and all rulings are final. Failure to adhere to final rulings will likely result in disciplinary action or termination without notice.

For further information and interviews contact: My husband and children

		I CAN EITHER Clean myself up OR THE HOUSE... But NOT BOTH!!!

The above is, of course, in jest and I do love my job no matter how challenging it may be at times! So sorry but you can't have it!

- Jenneal Russell (The Everything Job Blog)

Dishes or Penny Dreadful? That is the question.

I am sitting on the sofa facing one of those life changing decisions. My daughter is at school and my tiny son is finally asleep upstairs. This is one of those rare moments when I could have something called 'me time'. What is that you ask? Well really, I have no idea but I am keen to try it! I cue up the latest episode of Penny Dreadful (one of my guilty pleasures) when suddenly my life flashes before my eyes. All I can see is a mountain of dishes piled up in the kitchen from last night's dinner and today's breakfast, laundry that needs folding, and....wait....what am I sitting on?? A giant Lego *sigh* How long have I been blissfully unaware of its presence? That was the tipping point. New plan. Do the dishes and tidy. The laundry can be done later. And so, with what feels like an elephant sitting on my legs, I slowly and sadly rise from what could have been a very exciting adventure in 19th-century England fighting demons, witches, and revealing the newest snag in this captivating tale. After what seems like an eternity, I arrive at the sink and am immediately overwhelmed by the enormity of the task in front of me. "How can a family of 4 possibly use so many dishes?" I wonder. But there is no time to ponder this matter if I am to make my quickly approaching deadline. I don't know how much time passed before I realized that the pile in front of me had hardly grown any smaller. Once again, I agonized over the choices. Dishes or Penny Dreadful?..........Dishes or Penny Dreadful?......... Dishes or Penny Dreadful?........ Just as I had decided to give in to the notion of sitting down, I heard a noise from above then the clunking of tiny 2 year old feet descending the staircase. Perhaps another day. But will I make the same decision next time or will I be able to ignore my chaotic surroundings?