Time for Today's #BrannonFact!

Brannon Fact:

Cherry tomatoes were actually designed for practicing different baseball pitches in the house. It wasn't until the late 1980's, that a group of mean mothers banded together and started lying to their children about them being food and to further the lie, they put the humble fruit into the dreaded category of vegetables . This tactic was successful in detouring children from happily playing with these fun toys (since we all know that vegetables are poison). It wasn't until July 2016 that a brave little boy named Brannon used this 'food' for it's original intended purpose and once again restored the cherry tomato to its former glory.

If SAHM Was An Office Job

Business Partner Needed URGENTLY!

THE ROLEThis exciting role requires a motivated, thick-skinned individual with expertise in leadership and multitasking. The individual best suited to this role will have a varied background in order to complete various required tasks that are often time sensitive.

Hours: 7am-10pm (give or take 1 hour either side) 7 days/week

Wage: None

Benefits:

• Sick days: 0-1 per year
• Annual leave: none
• occasional praise and cuddles/kisses will be occasionally given to offset emotional turmoil/stress

Experience and Attributes Required:

• leadership
• time management
• multitasking
• hospitality
• janitorial
• life coaching
• quick thinking
• perfectionism
• flexible schedule and/or no personal life

Responsibilities Include (but are not limited to):

• office cleaning and maintenance
• completion of a week's worth of tasks each day
• willingness to take verbal and physical abuse from subordinates (hitting, hair pulling, screaming, etc) 
• completion of tasks belonging to other business partners in an urgent manner
• listening to both constructive and non-constructive criticism from other business partners on a daily basis
• completion of tasks upon direction (regardless of current activity level or engagement)
• adhere to evaluation performance that will be carried out:

- 5 days/week - near end of shift

- 2 days/week - hourly (minimum)

• Supplied with company cell phone to be kept on AT ALL TIMES:

- frequent calls in the middle of the night to complete difficult, nonsensical tasks given by subordinates in an immediate fashion (directions often given in a non-english language)

• language and listening skills essential to decipher codes whilst listening to loud and/or high pitched noises

Tasks Belonging to Other Business Partners that Must be Completed by Hired Individual Include (but are not limited to):

• finding staplers that are not clearly visible on a desk but have a high probability of being in a drawer or on adjacent desk
• preparing (and acquiring ingredients) for meals for other employees and partners (often on an 'on demand' basis)
• running the tea, coffee, and snack trolley whilst still doing your own work

Other:

• under no circumstances will delegation of responsibilities be allowed
• workplace disputes will be resolved without input from injured party (suggestions may be considered in exceptional circumstances) and all rulings are final. Failure to adhere to final rulings will likely result in disciplinary action or termination without notice.

For further information and interviews contact: My husband and children

		I CAN EITHER Clean myself up OR THE HOUSE... But NOT BOTH!!!

The above is, of course, in jest and I do love my job no matter how challenging it may be at times! So sorry but you can't have it!

- Jenneal Russell (The Everything Job Blog)

Weekly Totals of Chaos

Where have I been, you ask? At home, on the computer, studying and working. You know that thing that happens when you're too busy getting stuff done to look up? That's time..... ticking away (not to mention what those silly kids have been up to for the last 30 minutes!) I have searched the entire house and haven't found any plans for mutiny yet, so maybe I'm still good. What do you think? Throw in the added chaos of half term and you have a potion to make time disappear instantly.

Let's count the facts:

• Time outs- 4 (a major unexpected win!)
• Items removed from the cupboards without prior approval - 3 (did I tell you that the little one has worked out how to remove my pipe cleaner lock? No? Well, it didn't take him long at all to work that one out)
• Showers for the kids- 1.5 (oops! I need to get on that tomorrow!)
• Showers for myself - 1 (I know it's just sad but don't judge me)
• Nighttime hours spent studying - 12 (I was up until 6:30 am Tues night/Wed morning)
• Daytime hours spent studying - 5
• Hours spent doing crafts/colouring - 4 (ugh :/ bad mommy )
• Hours spent cleaning/doing housework - too many to count! But does it look like it? Not really!

Total: Not too shabby but definitely room for improvement

The kids were adorable today. Lynnea got Brannon all dressed after I helped her solve the crisis of "Brannon freaking out and not letting her put his shirt on". He doesn't really like the shirt going over his head  but he puts up with it when I do it too quickly for him to realise what's happening. I can only imagine little 5-year-old hands don't have the speed or surprise effect that mine do. We opted for a button up shirt instead. Brannon is a broccoli monster. Seriously. He eats it like it's candy. And guess what we had with dinner? Yep! He spent the entirety of the meal stealing the broccoli off of sister's plate and giggling like crazy. Lynnea likes broccoli too but she let him get away with it and at one point, they were sitting next to each other eating their 'tiny trees'. I love days like this where no one really gets upset with each other and there isn't dissension in the ranks. That wasn't the case yesterday.... or was it the day before? Whatever day it was, Lynnea had a complete meltdown because I wouldn't get her more cereal even though she had over half of an uneaten bowl of the stuff sitting directly in front of her. That timeout took 20 minutes before she gave up and sat down for the 5 required minutes. Maybe that's why she was so good today. Goodness I hope so! Nothing tests your patience like being hit, kicked, and screamed at by a deceptively strong little girl. Or having to rock both of them to sleep at the same time for an hour before we all finally passed out from sheer exhaustion. It's comforting to think that somewhere in the world, another parent is doing the exact same thing. Otherwise I'd probably go completely crazy! You know, instead of just the partially crazy I already am. 

I'd love to hear your stories! To have your adenture featured on my blog, email your story to me at jennealrussell@gmail.com  and try not to pull out too much hair today ;)

Up All Night To Get.... Tired

On the 8th of January, I took a giant leap of faith and started my own independent online Younique business, Younique by Jenneal. It has been a whirlwind of amazing-ness and is going better than I ever dreamed possible! But with that, comes a new world of challenges!

As you know, my uni classes have been taking up a LOT of my time but somehow I've managed to fit it all in and I've learned that thing you call 'sleep' is highly overrated. Brannon agrees with me too! He has been sick for the past week-- coughing, slight fever, sleeping a lot IN THE DAY, etc--- so when midnight hit and I started getting ready for bed, he woke up. Every. Single, Day. In a 7 day period, I got 16 cumulative hours of sleep but I did get loads done!!! I found that the middle of the night seems to be prime time for business, in the states, because that's when everybody is awake. Needless to say, I managed to make a whole lot of sales last week. Good for business. Bad for not getting sick. Brannon and hubby have kindly passed on their germs to me so I am now coughing away as I write this. You'd think I'd be asleep right now, but no. There's too much to do and I am too excited to meet my February goals! To be honest, I wouldn't even call it selling because all I do is post some selfies, interact with people on Twitter, and have online parties. It is too much fun to be considered work. I also REALLY love makeup in general, but this makeup is by far and away the best which is why I went from just buying it, to becoming part of a wonderful, supportive team. (Side note, guess who just woke up at 1:40 am?)

Speaking of Brannon, he has been a little terror this week! He learned how to get past my pipe cleaner cupboard security and I found him with his hands literally in the peanut butter jar, grinning ear to ear! So, I have had to revamp the design and it's now an interwoven mess that takes me ages to open myself. I guess that could be good if ever I was inclined to do some late night snacking because it's just not worth the effort. Lynnea has also been up to mischief. My mother taught her how to use the little sink plug to fill up the bathroom sink (thanks for that, mother!) and today, I came down just in time to turn off the tap before the water overflowed and turned our bathroom into a miniature lake.There is never a dull moment at our house and I have a feeling that there won't be for another....oh..... 16 years at least!

32 Hours

This may not be as exciting, sad or cringe-worthy as '127 Hours' but  that's only part of what my weeks have started consisting of. 32 hours minimum of study + house stuff + looking after the kids = one CRAZY busy week, every week, for the next 2.5 years. I am really excited about it though and it's going surprisingly well! Some how I have managed to keep on top of my studies whilst not neglecting the house or letting the kids form their own government with the sole mission of overthrowing mine. How do I do it you ask? Well, I'll tell you. You know that spare 2 minutes you have in the morning to drink a cup of coffee? Gone. You know that extra 30 minutes of sleep you can get if the kids don't wake you up? Yep, gone too. You know those 3 hours after the kids FINALLY fall asleep when you force yourself to stay awake to have some semblance of an evening? Yep, you guessed it, gone (well, for the most part). But it'll all be worth it in the end. If I can manage to keep mutinous plans under control and still feed everyone before the cat starts dancing around looking like a delicious steak as in the movie 'Madagascar'.

Balance really is key. People are always telling me that you can get everything done if you keep to a routine and stay on top of things. Like yesterday how I achieved just that. As I was immersed in learning all about the biology behind how nerves actually work (don't worry I won't bore you with the details but the term 'action potential' comes up a lot), I heard a curious noise from the other room. I looked up and realized that I was completely and utterly on my own. You know that this is NEVER a good sign. So I went to investigate. I felt a bit like if Sherlock Holmes decided in an out-of-character moment to surround himself with tiny humans (if that happens in any of the books don't spoil it for me. I've been 2 chapters into the Hound of Baskerville for over a year now but I'll finish it someday). Donning my imaginary hat and using my invisible magnifying glass, I followed the clues. And it wasn't long before I found the source of the noise. Standing on the dump freezer with the cupboard open, was Brannon.... and Whiskers. I was quickly informed by Brannon that he was after cake, which is the word he uses to refer to  not only actual cake but also rice cakes and crackers. This time, he meant crackers, and, stacked in a pile on top of the tuna can was a neat little pile of them. I think Whiskers might have even tried a bite as he was now halfway inside said cupboard.

Faced with the dilemma of being fresh out of cupboard locks, I had an idea only a parent would have........ secure the cupboard and it's contents by fastening a brightly colored pipe cleaner between the two knobs. Now, not only does my home look like an advertisement for safety locks, it would also appear that I have let the children loose with the craft materials. There was that time when I was studying and Brannon picked up my orange highlighter and decided to decorate our cream colored sofa (which we were given. I would never make such a rookie mistake when buying furniture for a home with small mischief makers). And then there was that time when the children sneakily ran off with a crayon and made beautiful artwork on the wall in Brannon's room (I can't remember what I was doing at the time but it was a weekend so I'm going to kindly share equal blame with my husband). Or the time more recently when my mom was visiting and I got off the phone call to the bank only to discover that Brannon had taken his plastic garden spade (a gift from my mother) and used it to dig in the sandbox,conveniently located in our bathroom, that the cat frequents. It seems to me that Lynnea has been doing an even better job at teaching her little brother the 'ways to make mom do that funny face' than she could have ever dreamt of.

Even now whilst I'm writing this I can hear some commotion coming from the other room. I'm sure it's fine.......... ugh I'd better go check. Hang on a second, I'll be right back.









........ So....... hypothetically...... does anyone know how to keep a cat out of a pedal bin? Or should I just get rid of it and start dumping trash all over the floor?  I mean, should *a person* do that? I'm asking for a friend. The first person to come up with the best answer wins a free, adorable, calm, loving, non-mischievous little kitten! Phone lines are now open.

Too Long Since I've Seen Your Face

I am the first to admit that life with all of it's chaos has kept me away. I had severely underestimated the amount of free time my university course would take. The answer, every ounce of free time!

I had the pleasure of meeting my stunningly perfect nephew last night. He was born on Sunday morning and I am completely head-over-heels in love with this sweet boy! Lynnea named him Lullaby before we even knew he was a boy or a name had been decided. She still wants to call him that which is absolutely adorable. His name is Charlie, by the way, and Brannon says his given name along with the one Lynnea gave to Charlie. We were all completely shocked by this turn of events. He refuses to even attempt to say his sister's name or the shortened version she gave to herself, Nea. Instead, he calls her 'Do' which means 'you'.

So that's my quick recap of what I've been up to lately! I have loads of new adventures stored up and bursting to get out so don't leave yet!e1w2

Welcome to My Perfectly Imperfect Life

Hello and welcome! 

This is a fun and whimsical look into my wonderfully chaotic life as of a stay at home mother of 2. Follow me on my journey as I juggle my many different 'jobs' whilst finding time to pursue adventure and new hobbies. 

My name is Jenneal and I am American expat who lives in Birmingham, UK which is where my journey started 41/2  years ago with my darling British husband. We might as well laugh at ourselves as we battle through life raising our amazing and, more often than not, very cheeky children.